17 April 2009
I just started reading a new book, "Telling Yourself The Truth" by William Backus & Marie Chapman. I've only read five chapters so far but I am finding much Truth within it. Truth that needs to override the lies I tell myself. I just finished the chapter on Misbelief in Anger. Although I consider myself no longer an "angry" person, I found many false principles that I used to tell myself- an automatic response to my anger.
This book reveals that "most of what happens in your life happens because of the way you think " and that this book can show you how "to identify your own misbeliefs and replace them with truth" (God's truth). I know in my own life I have a hard time truly believing God's truth for myself. I can believe it for others, but have difficulty applying it personally. For instance, "I am precious in God's sight". My misbeliefs are quick to counter God's truth and often cripple my mind. This negative self-talk creates a barrier between me and my Heavenly Father.
"The constant repeating of misbeliefs is what sustains and perpetuates angry resentment. Constant repeating of truth generates peace and health."Jesus experienced anger and we can see from His example, the way you express it can be in a loving manner. My own expressions of anger were not so loving... they didn't ever include yelling and throwing things, but they did have violent tendencies- I would punch holes in walls or hit a wall that I wouldn't be able to penetrate! My knuckles are thankful that I don't do that anymore! There are healthy ways to express anger. I was fearful of telling people what hurt me or offended me because they always responded defensively toward me, but in doing so it will prevent me from becoming bitter or resentful and preserve rather than destroy the relationship. Thankfully my communication skills have matured and so has my walk with God. I think as difficult as it may be for some (like me) to go to the other person and admit your anger, it is what Jesus teaches us to do. [In no way are we supposed to blow up at people, but share our hurts/anger with them.]
This chapter has taught me:
"There is no necessary connection between the behavior of another person and your anger. It doesn't matter how unfairly, unjustly or thoughtlessly someone has behaved toward you, you are angry because of your own self-talk. I make myself angry. Other people cannot force you to remain in a stew over their behavior. This is something you do yourself. To take it one step further, you make yourself angry by what you tell yourself."By telling myself what "ought" to be (or how I "ought" to be treated) versus what actually "is" will only fuel my anger and I will continue to blame others for my feelings/thoughts and not take ownership of them, therefore I'm unable to correct the misbeliefs that I have conjured up in my head. The book suggests that each time you find yourself in a situation where someone aggravates you or hurts you, pay attention to what's going on in your mind. What are you telling yourself?
I'll be updating this blog as I read more chapters that touch me...
at 11:43 AM
10 April 2009
Tonight was the last night of The Journey- this semester's grief group at church. It was touted as an evening of celebration. Celebration of our loved one who's passed. We were asked to bring a picture of our loved one to have it displayed on a table in front of the room for all the men and women, who are journeying in their own trials of grief, to share.
We sat down at tables and shared a meal and a variety of desserts together then listened to the co-leader of the group sing a song. We were then asked to share a wonderful memory of our loved one while holding on to the picture we brought. This was an awkward moment for me... I didn't have a photo of my loved one (my unborn baby), nor did I have any memories to share.
What was I supposed to say? "I remember that drive home from work where I needed to pull over on the side of the road and take a nap, because I couldn't stay awake any longer! I was less than 5 minutes away from my house, but couldn't keep my eyelids open." That's my story about being pregnant--sheer exhaustion!That would have been way too weird, but my evening doesn't end there! Another song is sung and then we're asked to stand in line, grab a flameless candle, then speak the name of our loved one into the mic, and go sit back down. Seems harmless enough right? Wrong! I never named my unborn child... I didn't know whether it was a boy or a girl. So I opted to stay in my seat while this all took place.
The evening ended with one more song and a final prayer- followed by socialization. I decided to skip out on the socialization for fear of explanation and uneasiness.
at 12:20 AM
06 April 2009
So yesterday was my first ever race (I've done olympic-type races, but never for any one thing in particular)! Proceeds for this race went for Carlsbad education and for their athletics. I never thought I would have had as much fun as I did!
My number... The "photo" finish!
It was the Carlsbad 5000. I participated in the 5K walk with Jeremy and Michelle, while the others actually ran (Eddie, Adam, Rachel R, Jennifer, Kelly D, Christy, Kelly M, Risa, and Katja). The sun was brightly shining and an occasional wind was blowing. After the walk we perused the many booths while we waited for the runners to cross the finish line. There was some neat stuff there... free stuff too!
My spine was examined and I was told what I already knew... I'm misaligned, but the chiropractor did offer some encouraging words about the ringing I have in my ears (and have had my entire life). Of course he wanted my business and wanted to "cure" me - but I'm not sure if I believe it...
My blood pressure was taken. Healthy numbers: 107/61. There was also a nifty gadget that measured your body composition (fat ratio). I'm glad to hear I'm also within the healthy range for my height & weight.
There were many vendors that gave away free goodies as well. Many wheels to spin for a chance of winning free food like Pat & Oscars. There was a vendor that gave away free samples of supplements that give you your daily dose of fruits & vegetables all in pill form. Anyone that knows me... would not be surprised that I grabbed a week's supply ;-). Also they had free samples of energy/replenishment drinks. A particularly tasty grape one looked just like water! Man, I wish I paid closer attention to the name of it!
After our group (Runners of kin) finished racing we went to the field at church to go play some ultimate frisbee (typical Sunday afternoon)! Two hours later, I was fried to a crisp and ready to eat dinner! Some of us decided to go to Chipotle for a free burrito- thanks to them being a race sponsor. We needed to take advantage of the freebie-same day as the race, or we would miss out! After dinner the others went to go get cleaned up and go to a movie... I was so stinkin' (literally) tired and I needed to clean too. I was in bed by 8 pm, but not alseep until 9! I'm still feeling the affects of yesterday...
at 4:49 PM